I Am Nesia

This project documents how loneliness effected my behaviour during lockdown, but more importantly my memory. I found myself sometimes struggling to remember my family, friends and the world.

The events of the past few months has left me, like many others, feeling frustrated by the physical restrictions, but most of all it brought along with it an iron blanket of uncertainty.

Creative Process.

The origin of this project came about by complete chance. I was trying to take a focus stacked image of a moth on my studio window, but the more I looked at the frame, the more I was intrigued by what was happening in the background. The dirty window along with a 2.8 aperture on a fully crancked 70-200mm lens, created an almost impressionistic wash of colours, but for some reason I could still figure out what it was because of the familiar colour palette. This was the moment I made the connection between my emotional state and the effects of the lockdown.

I realised that I don't need to see everything clear as day. All I need are hints of colour and shapes to trigger a memory. This led me to the conclusion that I am not photographing landscapes anymore, but rather colour scapes. The aim was to look through a completely blurred viewfinder and look for a colour palette composition instead of a well composed landscape. It's almost as if the physical realm fell to the wayside and opened a door to the spiritual dimension.

I proceeded to incorporate a mysterious figure into the pieces to add to the tension of anxiety, frustration and uncertainty. The figure could represent the pandemic, financial struggle, depression or on the other side of the spectrum, the solution to our problems, but just to unclear to identify.

To finish off the pieces, I created a texture overlay to simulate the effects of a dirty window to represent the idea of being inside, behind the glass like a caged animal - (it brings with it some perspective in this light).