There was the word, and then there was me.

When I was born every action I made was pure awesomeness with elements of modesty woven through my greatness. Every word spoken was an awe-inspiring quote, which would bring joy into the lives of those in the immediate vicinity. Then people would ask for my name I would reply “Just tell them I am”.

The story of my life is one of those that people will never believe [so I won’t tell you], for the very waste of my breath is worse than China’s entire carbon footprint.

Now I will commence on the most exciting film career since I sliced some bread this morning. The Oscar’s will be nothing but mere paper weights, that will stand next to the toast made from the bread I sliced myself. Join me on the stories of a life time, and as it is written so shall it be…